I’ve had an unconscious → conscious fear for years that if I grow my business, I’ll sacrifice my happiness/well-being/this spacious life I’ve so intentionally created. Fear of success, y’all. It’s as real as fear of failure.
Even though I know I’m not alone in that one, and I’ve confronted this one from 100 different angles — through coaching, therapy, meditation, karmic release, energy clearing, journeys with my spirit animals, YOU NAME IT I DONE IT — I still felt it.
Nevertheless, I persisted.* There was (er, is) a very conscious decision to grow. To step up and out and let spirit move through me…as is the way with sacred ambition.
I prayed. I talked and listened to my inner guides and performed (ummm, a few) rituals of release to mama gaia. I consulted my friends/witches/mentors.
I set my mf intentions for how I wanted to FEEL in my growth and stretch.
So, fast forward to now. I’m on a deadline speeding train, riding multiple, internal growing edges simultaneously.**
It’s pretty intense. #understatement
But each day I remember — I ASKED for this. And I did the work to clear the blocks clear the blocks cleartheblocks stillclearingtheblocks.
And because I asked for this (and knew it was coming, thank you universe for always meeting us), I am being more conscious than ever about the quality of experience l want to be having right now.
In the past, I’ve sequestered myself and ignored my hunger, my bladder, my need for rest, my community. I’ve lashed out at my loved ones for “not getting it”, and wracked my body with stress that took months/years of recovery. No joke.
This time I’m nourishing myself in countless ways…
- Swimming in the AM.
- Receiving an otherwordly facial in the middle of the afternoon.
- Connecting with my friends and family for rich conversations.
- Cooking for myself and Ryan.
- Making time to hear music and be with my hi-dez beloveds.
- Keeping my home, office, body clean (including my hair, which is a thing), physically and energetically.
- Watching the sunset over the hi-desert hills.
- Talking to myself and the universe to acknowledge my feelings, my fears, the old limiting beliefs beneath my fears, and my deepest desires.
- Being gentle and accepting with myself through it all.
This is how l want to experience my life when I’m busy and creating.
And guess what? I’m seeing that it’s not only possible, but it’s happening. The thing that I was afraid couldn’t/wouldn’t happen, IS.
I’m living it. It is not living me.
I am creating my life as l want it.
I AM Creative.
I AM Spaciousness.
I AM Nourishment.
I AM Grace.
I AM Prosperity.
I AM Lightness.
I AM whoaholyshititshappening.
I AM Deep Appreciation.
If fear of a success feels like a thing for you, rewatch my MAGIC HOUR fb live coaching today (and every Friday) at 11am pst. I’ll dig in on this and lead a guided exercise to help move you through it/shake it up a bit.
Big Love to you on your journey! You can design it how you want it.
* Like Elizabeth Friggin’ Warren on the Senate floor hurling questions at racist-ass Jeff Sessions during his AG confirmation hearing. She didn’t give up. Eye on the prize.
** You’re gonna get the goods next week! Woot!