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i forgot i was a cosmic force

I put myself through the damn wringer this week. It’s actually been awhile since I’ve been wrung. Which is great news (!!!)…but it made the wringer that much wringier.

You see, I forgot (temporarily) that I’m a cosmic force. Eh, it happens to the best of us.

I was invited to design a workshop experience for beautiful, bold desert adventurers around the idea of communion, inhabiting, curiosity, connection with the land, themselves and each other. Yeah, that cool.

Honestly, the whole process has been divine. Months ago, I even ASKED the universe for this exact opportunity — just 3 weeks before the visionary/founder reached out and invited me to participate!

Could this be more aligned? No, not really.

I called in a dream project. Total proof of the power of visualization and manifestation.

Yay me! Yay fruits of my labor! Yay calling something totally aligned into my reality!

And then I forgot that whole crucial me-as-cosmic-force thingy.

Because it was different than the work I do everyday with my clients, and because I was stretching and growing in the design of it, old bijjigidy feelings crept in.

Those doubts crept hard, y’all.

“Who was I to do this work?”
“What if it wasn’t good?”
“What if I let people down?”
“What if I said the wrong things? Or not enough of the right ones?”
“What if gave everyone effing heatstroke?!”

The kicker here is that in all those doubtful questions I didn’t actually tear myself ALL the way down. Yes, the wringer had me in its clutches, but I could also see/feel that something was being brought up. Something I needed to see.

I could see that the wringer was an illusion. Whoa.

I didn’t have to torture myself and fall into the old traps of “not good enough” or “not smart enough”, I could just let the feelings move through me (and boy, did they) and be grateful that I was getting to see a block.*

Being able to do that has taken real work and practice. I’m not tooting my own horn to be all, “Looky me, looky me, ain’t I the best??”, but because I want you to know it’s possible.

It’s possible to shrink the doubts and KEEP GOING AND GROWING.

It’s possible to:

  • continue creating in the face of yucky old stories.
  • keep knowing (= loving) yourself more deeply.
  • remember that you are a cosmic force that takes no shit.**

Yes, I was stretched. But I was also reminded that I’m capable of so much — creating exciting experiences, as well as my own blocks and block-busters! I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

And, so you know, the workshop I designed was awesome.***

I read this quote on Instagram today (via @hoodwitch), and yes, exactly:

“Don’t ever be afraid to shine.
Remember, the sun doesn’t give a fuck if it blinds you.”

 

* Funnily enough, last week I’d asked the universe to show me this block. Ask and it is given. Every damn time.

** Or maybe you take a little, but waaaay less than you used to. #winning

*** It really was! And I’ll be offering a version of it out here in the hi-desert. If you’re interested, hit this link and you’ll get more info soon.

Image from The Numinous