Surprises are fun when they’re bouquets of stargazer lilies or artisanal herbacious chocolates that my husband says taste like soap (yum)!
Surprises are *possibly* less fun when it’s me telling you that your power may not come from where you think it comes from.
But let’s give it a whirl! I believe lightness comes in many forms.
Several years back when I was newly consulting, I got a not-quite job offer from a guy who ran a big deal progressive PR firm in DC who needed someone in NYC. We had a great phone conversation, lots of emails, plus a mentor of mine was a friend of his and highly recommended me. Done deal…
And then I never heard from him. I crumpled (and felt trampled) like clothes on the floor of a sample sale. Ignored. Less than.
I fell into such a funk…what I call “the spiral down into the abyss.” I went right off the edge of the cliff into that well-trodden abyss of self shame, deprecation and judgment.
Why didn’t he want me?! Was it because I didn’t have as much experience as so-and-so or maybe my connections weren’t good enough or…or…or…?
I was feeling uncertain in my new work (ahem, growth will bring up all them insecurities and core limiting beliefs lurkin’ in the background), so I let this “rejection” take me all the way down.
I had, unconsciously, hitched my value to his approval. Scheisse.
I’d been doing that FOR YEARS. Um, maybe forever. I’d done it with family, friends, partners, bosses, people I didn’t even know and would never meet, teachers, society. All of it.
I thought my power came from validation. Affirmation via someone else’s perceived approval of me. How exhausting! And how utterly un-powerful did I feel?*
The surprise may be spoiled now…but SURPRISE ANYWAY! Your power doesn’t come from someone else. You’ve always had it!
Culturally, we learn that what we need is outside of us. Something to achieve and strive for, out there. Something that someone else has, over there.**
My version of spontaneously thrusting a bouquet of smelly flowers and strangely delicious chocolates at you is to let you know that your power to create your life how you want it is inside of you. Already. Done deal.
Here’s how to access it:
- Give yourself the validation that you seek from others. Yes. That.
- Love up on you. You’re special. I mean that. There’s no other you.
- Honor your own desires (they matter!).
- Be kind to yourself. I really mean that.
- Spend quality time with yourself. Put the phone down, honey.
- Be honest with you about what you really want. Know that you deserve it.
- Forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself all this time. (Try this Inner Child exercise.) You’re worth it.
- Appreciate wherever you are on your path (it’s all temporary).
My brilliant friend Heather Box just quoted Mister Rogers (hearts) on instagram yesterday and noted:
“…it’s about being willing to reveal ourselves, reveal our vulnerabilities and stand boldly in our most honest story. That’s where our power is. That’s where we can drop the show and deeply connect and love one another.”
Exactly. Just like that.
(Want to cultivate your inner fire, reveal yourself and explode with power and light? Let’s talk immediately.)***
I love you.
* V E R Y.
** Beyoncé is exempt from this analysis.
*** You can book a free 30 minute consult with me. I can’t wait to connect with you.