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Is It Hard To Know What You Want? This’ll Help.

is it hard to know what you want? this’ll help.

Sometimes we learn through inspiration (ie “Wowza, I want that exact thing/ to be that way”) and sometimes we learn through contrast (ie “Whooooaaaa Nellie, I do not EVER want that again/ to be like that”).

Sure, most of us would rather the inspirational wisdom, but that’s not always what the universe delivers.

Contrast can feel deeply unpleasant. Ultimately, it creates destabilizing feelings that we humxns are always trying to get away from.

So, if we (understandably) put contrast in the category of “badness” then the situation is definitely going to be a real bummer. If we put it in the “helpful & beneficial” basket, then there’s an opportunity. For what? That’s up to you!

This isn’t an “everything happens for a reason so just choke it down” missive. That’s victimhood framing, btw.

This is hopefully a needed disruption in your thinking/feeling patterns to remind you that you can embrace contrast and learn to work with it more skillfully.

“You can manage the contrast in a way that would serve you without going down the path of unwanted.” – Abraham Hicks

One way to work with the contrast more mindfully is to let it help you clarify your vision. For example, if you try to think about what you want in an ideal relationship or sacred work, you might find yourself just coming up with a list of shit that you don’t want to have/do/be.

You might hear yourself say or think, “Well, I’m SO good at knowing what I don’t want, but it feels hard to know what I do want.” Sound familiar? The good news is that you can turn all the stuff you don’t want AKA contrast, into a treasure chest of what you do want AKA vision.

First, consider an area of your life such as:

  • your relationships, romantic and otherwise
  • your relationship to money and abundance
  • your work in the world/ your career
  • your relationship to your body
  • your relationship to spirit and spirituality

Second, make that list of all the learnings through contrast you’ve collected over the years.

Finally, take that list and, point-by-point, articulate the opposite. What’s the other side of the contrast? What’s the feeling/experience you do want instead of this one you don’t want?

Having clarity of vision is helpful because if you can start to understand HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL, then you’re on your way to creating a life that supports those internal feeling experiences vs trying for big external goals in hopes they might make you feel happier.

The last note here on contrast is…IT HAPPENS. It’s part of the learning spectrum. Sometimes it’s stark and sometimes it’s oh-so-subtle. Try on accepting that it will happen and you have a choice to take something useful from it or not.*

This was a real channeled message today, as I had something queued up on self-compassion (will send out next week, stay tuned). But this really wanted to come through, so here you go!

* In the moment might not be the best timing to pluck out any lesson. Sometimes we need to sit with the pain and/or discomfort and come back later to grab that seed.