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Living By My Truth, Not My Programming

living by my truth, not my programming

It’s been a month since I’ve posted. Honestly, I felt a little over-communicated and needed to rest and rejuvenate — which was hard. Yes, rest can be hard because it requires us being vulnerable with ourselves (and perhaps others in our life) to admit we need it in a world that praises harder, faster, and more efficient. Look, it’s complex even for someone who believes so completely in the power of slow-down.

When I shared a post on instagram about feeling depleted, I got a more robust and immediate response than maybe any other post of mine ever because so many were also feeling this collective consciousness depletion.

So, now I’m in Hawai’i refilling my cup (with some serious plant fondling*) and also beginning to touch on something that feels profound and new and I don’t know exactly what. Which is both thrilling and eeeeek.

The eeeeek is mostly because my inner taskmaster (she has a bob haircut and a chic military belted jacket — it’s just who she is) is on an extended vacay. And it doesn’t feel like I’m in charge of when she comes back. Which totally brings up feelings of instability because some of my baseline old programming is doing. For years, I valued my worth at how much I could do for other people. How fast I could do it. How well I could do it under pressure. Basically, I lived in Burnout City.

Over the past near 12 years, I’ve learned how to observe myself in these liminal spaces vs just being caught in the confusion → fear → going back to old safe, yet destructive patterns.

So instead I’m waiting and observing and reconnecting. And I took a break from writing and my weekly live Magic Hours on instagram because I’ve needed it. My ego has said countless times YOU’RE FINE, JUST SEND AN EMAIL AND GO LIVE, GET BACK ON THE HORSE. GEEEEZ. And my inner guidance says, it’s ok to take the time you feel like you need even if you don’t know for how long or exactly why you need it.

It can feel so hard to not just DO things when our world tells us that DOing is the best strategy, amiright?

I see now that I relied too heavily on my taskmaster from late 2018 and into this year. She needed a break. Like there’s a “gone fishing” sign hanging in my soul where she normally is.

But now there’s more room for my inner visionary. Because it’s been a minute since I’ve been with my big visioning self without my taskmaster self, it almost feels like an awkward first date with someone you know better than anyone else. That’s the best way I can describe it.

I don’t know all of what’s coming, but the messages and teachings are flowing in. My intuition feels at an all-time high and my heart feels so engaged. I have to consistently make room for this clarity.

I didn’t even plan on writing this email to you today. I was doing some client work and felt oh, it’s time! how wonderful.

You can’t force your life force. I mean, you can but that’s not really living…it’s just an illusion of living and I know that somewhere inside you know it can’t last.

The only way forward is at the pace of your truth, not the pace of your programming.

I’m right here with you, honey.

sending you so much aloha from the edge of a volcano,

PS I have the honor of being a featured writer in the 3rd edition of Ravenous Zine on Activism…pre-orders are up now.

Also, in the past weeks I’ve had so many folx coming back around for tune up/tune in sessions and I know that the big changes and feelings of instability are ripe in our collective consciousness. If you want some support in the form of a 90-min deep dive, go here. If you want to talk about a 6-month total soul-level reset, let’s make time to chat.

*follow my insta stories to get epic amounts of asmr-style plant touching. sensuality is a gateway to more vision, more creativity, more freedom. @danablix