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What I’ve Really Wanted To Say

what I’ve really wanted to say

I’ve been sitting with what I really want to say to you…with the conversation I really want to have right now. I feel like we’re all working so hard to figure things out. Trying to make sense of how and why we got here — in our own lives and in our collective reality.

Our “fix it” programming is, collectively, in overdrive. All we have to do is look to facebook or our inbox to see it.

Some of us are hurt, confused, angry and scared. Some of us are hopeful, focused, and shit, probably still scared.

What if where we are is a place we haven’t been before, therefore we need new tools and new ways of thinking to move forward?

What if we don’t even know the language of this new moment yet?

What if we didn’t have to be in answer mode, but could slow down to see what was really being asked of us?*

Last time I felt this was when I was a political organizer. After spending eight years in full-tilt anti-war organizing, I was burnt out.

I looked around in my faded state and saw something I had totally missed — was totally missing myself. I didn’t have a relationship with my inner truth and guidance. Sure, I was standing for and trying to move the needle on something incredibly important (ahem, ending war) and I’d lost myself in the process.

I understood my big values, but I only knew how to direct my energy toward them outside of me. My relationships were ok, but not great. I had work I loved, but was falling out of love given how I’d been working (non-stop, everything else in my life a distant second priority). More often than not, I had no idea how to read my emotions. My body was drained, I was losing weight quickly and I got countless “wow, you look tired” comments from friends and strangers alike.

I felt like everything was happening to me. Like I was just trying to keep up. Like I didn’t have any power.

And I didn’t. I’d forgotten how to even see it, let alone use it.

So I needed to learn a new language. I needed new tools. I needed to think in new ways. I found it because it was a necessity.

There are tons of studies, theories, advances being made in how our language effects our thinking. My work as a coach is actually all about that exact concept put into practice. How we talk (and listen) to ourselves and to each other effects everything we see, think, be and do. Therefore, it stands that it (you) can change everything.

And the good news is, you can start this very moment.

My guess is that when you slow to “listen to yourself” you might feel the pull of a few different voices. So it can rightly feel a little confusing to decipher, which is the “real” voice of your inner truth.

Notice that your ego is going to be the first one to the party. It will also be the loudest. You can tell when you’re ego is yapping away because you’ll feel wound up. Tight. Tense. Constricted. Limited. It will make logical sense, but there’ll be something about it, that if you slow down a bit and bring your attention to your body, will not feel right.

Your inner guidance is less loud and more like a feeling. Think of it as the great music on in the background of the party where that ego chap is shouting over everyone. There’ll be an opening sensation inside of you, again, if you slow down and allow yourself to feel it.

Try it this week. See where you can take the opportunity to not be in everyone else’s conversation, but in your own.

  • Trim your calendar down.
  • Back off that facebook ledge.
  • Lay off the caffeine, friend.
  • Cook yourself something beautiful.
  • Take a walk.
  • Break out your journal.
  • Stretch.
  • Feel your body.
  • Drink some water.

It’s ok to go in right now. You have to go in to be able to show up in your full contribution on this planet.

Our minds, our language, our hearts, our growth are not static. We can evolve. We can choose to do it with love instead of fear.

I love you.


*I’m not at all advocating for ignoring that there are real populations of disenfranchised communities living on the frontlines, and the following months/years could greatly change how they and we all live together. I’m aware of my privilege as a white woman, knowing that where I stand effects what I see. I’m simply advocating for us to slow down enough to create some personal and collective clarity.

Art by Dan Mountford