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Your Time Is Precious

your time is precious

I used to rush. EVERYTHING. Even when I took a lot of time and space to do something I ended up rushing some part of it. 

I realized I secretly yearned for the rush because it made me feel alive. Or what I thought alive felt like. Now I get that was just pulses of cortisol and adrenaline and the fucked up, socially reinforced, pattern of DOING and BUSY~NESS that I was yearning for. Or addicted to. Or just didn’t realize there was another way.

After years of busy bee~ing my life into consistent, swirling states of greater and greater productivity and usefulness (in the most limited ideas of those concepts, truthfully), I had a breakthrough.

Well, first a breakdown. Then the breakthrough. Which is usually how that goes so if you’re trying to break through and you’re not willing to break (it all) down, you might have to work wayyyy harder. 

But my break through was this:

MY LIFE IS NOT A SERIES OF TIME SLOTS TO BE FILLED.

Simple? Yes. Revolutionary? Hellz yes.

We could zoom all the way out and take the stance that we’re all just refractions of light and that time as we understand it is illusory. Which can totally provide much-needed perspective at times, tbh.

These days I hang out more in the realm of:

Life is precious. We have this weird framework of linear time that we bind ourselves to, but if I fill it up with tons of things I generally feel like I have less of it. And that feels bad and stressful. Especially, if I fill it up with things I don’t really want to do.* 

When we take more time to do things, make more space between things, it creates more time and space.

I’m learning more and more about stretching time from my guides and teachers. I’ll keep sharing as it unfolds. 

I remember when I was in NYC a few months back and I was watching people buzzing around, barely looking up from their phones (yet somehow avoiding sidewalk poop bombs and not even flinching at the scents of the overflowing hot summer garbage volcanoes). I felt the nervous energy. It was very ungrounding. 

But I did my best to move slowly. To stay off my phone. To look at the sky. To spend quality time with a few people vs buzzing around to see everyone. It’s hard because the energy there demands buzz.

But I did not give in then and I will not give in now. I will surrender only to myself. I will keep rooting into the earth and holding space for my space.

MY LIFE IS NOT A SERIES OF TIME SLOTS TO BE FILLED.

NEITHER IS YOURS.

Make some space.



* We all have things to do that we don’t want or like to do. I’m not suggesting to ignore those things, but I am suggesting you take stock and notice if there are things you don’t like and don’t have to do, but feel obligated out of some sort of fear of shame or guilt or bad feels, and seriously evaluate how you really wanna spend your life. Then make some powerful choices because you’re the mf boss, applesauce.